Wherein there is pornography...
Thank you Emma P for proofreading!
Notes
1. The three sayings are, in order:
言必行，行必果
君子一言，快马一鞭
一个唾沫一个钉
2. The unit here is a 刀 or dao (lit. "knife") which = 100 sheets.
3. Xuan-paper in historical context is a high-end good, used for calligraphy and paintings that are meant for display. (To practice brushwork, coarser types of paper/parchment would be used.) It generally comes in bundles as it presents flexibility that is nearly fabric-like. A sheet of xuan-paper would typically be in the range of the A2, A1 or A0 format. Which gives us a clue as to the scale of ZZS' scribbles.
4. 嫁鸡随鸡嫁狗随狗 translated literally (though the translation sounds kinda dirtier than in the original :P ). Also, Chinese sayings which basically reiterate that women must accept their fate and never disobey men are really really common. There are so many of them, they tend to all blend together for me. I LOVE how, beyond the humour, priest putting them in the mouth of a male character highlights how absurd the double standard is.
5. The description here is meant to convey that ZZS's looks like he has genuine artistic talent, which may not translate well. The missing context is the trope in traditional Chinese painting (国画) that a "master" would be in such possession of his artistry they would paint a masterpiece in very few strokes. This explains why the Scorpion is so flummoxed when it is revealed ZZS actually drew stickmen.
6. 春宫图 (a.k.a. erotic illustrations) translated literally.